Self-confident and Independent Kids...... Is that what we want?

Welcome to you all - to this, our first post for Growing Resilient Rugrats.  There's a reason for that name, which I will no doubt share with you somewhere down the track (remind me will you, if I forget?)

As a parent of two small children (and psychologist to boot), I remember turning to my husband after a particularly trying day with the girls and saying "honey, do you remember how we said that we wanted to raise independent, free-thinking children?  Well, I've changed my mind, I want them compliant and submissive!".  He laughed.  I laughed.  I was only half-kidding.

We have raised our girls (well so far) so be able to think for themselves, to have an opinion, to feel like they are allowed to express their side of the story.  We have tried to balance this with teaching them respect (for themselves and others) and to have an understanding of when you have to follow the rules and when it's okay to question the 'system' as it were. 

But you know what? They are only four and six years old, so sometimes they get the balance wrong.  Sometimes their 'independence' can come across as a bit sassy and precocious and I - in my darker parent-guilt moments - question whether we've done the right thing - teaching them that it's okay to have a voice.

In my less guilt-ridden moments (usually these are coupled with having had a decent night's sleep and a good day with the kids) I am pleased that they are confident - even if I still have to teach them when to tame the confidence so it doesn't seem like they are being obnoxious.  And why?

Because research has shown that teaching young children social skills, building their confidence and teaching them emotional resilience - these are skills that will stay with them for life.  These skills help them to deal effectively with difficult and anxiety-producing situations.

Research shows that emotionally resilient and social skilled children are:
• More successful at school
• Exhibit fewer behavioural problems at school, and
• Relate better to parents, teachers and peers

All children can benefit from increasing their coping skills. However, if children fall into any of the following categories, they may benefit especially from being given confidence and resilience skills early in life (though it's never too late to learn these skills).


• Excessive worry
• Avoidance of strange situations
• Shyness
• Difficulty in ‘resting’ and going to sleep
• Irritability
• Poor concentration
• Perfectionism

So do I cringe a little when my darling poppets get up on stage to do their ballet concerts and madly start throwing 'kisses' into the audience in the middle of their performances?  Um... sure... a little :) 

When my daughters question something I have said and put across their own point of view (which turns out to be quite valid) do I wish that I had raised them to not question a thing I've said?  Sure.. some days.  But at the end of the day, I know that self-confidence and resilience in kids is a good thing .... and I'm sure my husband will agree that he loves living in a house with three strong independent women (he he he).