Go the F**k to Sleep - Why this book is appealing to so many parents

I've seen this book by Adam Mansbach posted on so many Facebook feeds now that I've lost count.  I almost watch it every single time someone posts it on my wall.  I've had friends specifically suggest that this book was written for me... about my children, and they would not be far wrong.

But surely I am not the only parent for whom bedtime has been a struggle, hence it's popularity with parents.  In our household it started at birth - I had babies that slept in two hour intervals....... for the first six months of their lives.  I thought I might die..... or leave home..... either would have given me the break I so desperately longed for.  Toddlerhood did not bring much of a reprieve, from my firstborn at least (my second born was marginally better).  I taught her to use a DVD player by the age of three... some nights she would be watching Curious George at 11pm while I was up feeding her baby sister for the 17th time that day.  Sleep by this stage was a joke that I thought people would mention just to mess with my head.

My second born did okay in toddlerhood.... but by four years of age she was in our bed up to 10 times a night.  I tried walking her back to bed, but after nine nights in a row of little to no sleep, I placed a mattress on the floor next to me.   Sleep next to me, sleep in my bed while I go and sleep in yours, I'll sleep on the couch and you can sleep next to your Dad - I no longer cared, as long as I got some sleep.

Are you still with me?  Have I frightened you off with my poor display of parenting?  :)  I hope not.  For there is a story to be told in all of this - and one that I hope will be helpful to all of those parents of babies, toddlers and children out there for whom bedtime is a nightmare.

My biggest stressor in all of it - for me?  Was the little inner voice that my children 'should' be doing something (such as being asleep by 7pm or having daytime sleeps of 3 hours).  That I as a parent, I 'should' be able to get them to go to bed or the belief that children 'shouldn't' be sleeping in our bed.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't love co-sleeping, it's not for me really - I don't sleep well with a child in my room. BUT when I put the mattress on the floor next to me and let her sleep there, did I get much better sleep than when she was making me get up 10 times a night? - heck yes!

When I made my children go to bed at 7pm and then struggled, fought, cajoled and pleaded with them for 2 hours to go to sleep - did I feel stressed? Yes!

But when I chose to allow them to determine when they were tired, then put them to bed at that point, whereupon they were asleep within 10 minutes - was that far less stressful for me? Yes!

I learned that in our household, there was a need to be flexible with regard to sleeping (we are less flexible about certain other things such as manners, respect and courtesy) - and this, at the end of the day made the whole thing far less stressful for me as a parent (and I can only assume far less stressful for my children!)

My children (now aged 4.5 and 6 years) are usually in bed by 8.30 on school nights.  Weekend nights they go to bed when they please and most nights they are up later than their dad (but then he isn't particularly what you'd call a 'night person').  The rule is that by 7.30pm they are to have toiletted, cleaned their teeth, and be upstairs either playing in the toy-room, watching a DVD, reading or in bed.  That has been how I, as a parent, have dealt with the issue of needing some time to myself at night.  

The youngest is back to sleeping in her bed by the way - rarely coming in to me at night (though she did ask to share a room with her sister and that is working well for now).  It turned out not to be behavioural - but in fact she was sleep-walking during the night.... so the walking her back to bed and getting cross with her was all totally futile and my decision to let her just sleep next to me was the best thing all around - after six months, the sleepwalking stopped and the mattress was once again stored away :)

Does enforcing a strict bedtime routine work for some families - that is a resounding yes - and if this is what your family chooses to do then I applaud you for it (and in fact will admit to a little envy).  But it did not work for our family - and I know there are many families out there for whom bedtime and sleeping is still a massive issue.  My suggestion?  If it's not working - try something else.  Don't listen to the people who tell you that you 'can't' do it that way and that you 'should' do it this way.  You and your family need to find what works for you.

I would love to hear people's experiences with bedtime; please share with us any issues you have with sleeptime (from babies to young children) and any hints and tips that you have that have helped your family.  If you would like to see an article with more in-depth suggestions for sleeping problems, please leave a comment :)